# North Platte, Nebraska — MP3

- Archive ID: `DP-1972-NORTHPLATTE`
- Source: https://storiesofrecovery.org/downloads/BBA/DonPritts-NorthPlatteNE~4Nov1972.mp3
- Duration: 01:18:34
- Audio SHA-256: `2fd18ccd0ff00f6c08ec407805a6aa50af0de33c5fd9f6ded12c6ad955608a59`

> Automated timestamped draft (faster-whisper base.en). Names, specialized terms, and unclear passages require human review.

## Transcript

**[00:00:08]** and take me a minute or two. My name is Don and I'm an alcoholic in the drug addict, and I woke up with
**[00:00:16]** Lauren Jydis this morning, so I don't know whether it's the cigarettes or my prayers, but
**[00:00:21]** if God's with us, we'll get a message out tonight. I think it's pretty neat to be invited
**[00:00:25]** back the second time to someplace I've been before. That's new. I never happened in my
**[00:00:30]** life. And I have a great fondness for the people that do. A great fondness. I'm here
**[00:00:38]** for only one reason. I want to try to give back to you a little part of what you gave
**[00:00:43]** me. When we pick this thing up, the first time I've seen one of these, and Jim says,
**[00:00:50]** if you're not good, that's what you get. You people saved my life. You introduced me to
**[00:00:59]** something so miraculous that I don't know how it was contained in one book or in the
**[00:01:04]** hearts of people. You gave me this and let me describe to you how I feel. There is
**[00:01:12]** no place in God's entire universe that I would rather be than right here, right now.
**[00:01:20]** There are no people in God's entire universe that I'd rather be with than you people,
**[00:01:27]** right now. And there is no other human being on a face of God's earth that I'd rather be
**[00:01:32]** than me. And that's miraculous because I'm a person who never felt he belonged anywhere,
**[00:01:41]** a misfit, an alien. I've been doing a lot of digging into myself again lately, and this
**[00:01:47]** alienation is something. You know, that's really what causes our problems, separation. Somewhere
**[00:01:54]** along the line I got the idea that I was different. I was afraid of things. My buddies said they
**[00:02:02]** weren't, and I didn't think I could win all the time, and yet people kept saying, you can.
**[00:02:11]** And somewhere down the line, I don't count my first drop. When I was 11 we got into some
**[00:02:18]** homemade brew. My God, I got sick. And when I was 15, I got on my second run. And it's
**[00:02:27]** very easy to tell you my drunk along, because I behaved the same way every time I drank.
**[00:02:31]** I tried to drink a fifth that night. That's all we had, and I tried to drink it all. And
**[00:02:35]** God, I got sick. And until I was 34 years old, that's how I behaved. I tried to do everything,
**[00:02:43]** and I got sick. And I got sicker. I'm a runner. You know, when I get scared, I don't stand
**[00:02:51]** pat very good. I run. Now, y'all know what I mean by scared. I set that little gnawing
**[00:03:00]** inside. It tells you beyond the shadow of a doubt. Whatever you say or do next, it's
**[00:03:04]** going to be wrong. No matter what happens, it's going to be wrong. And you know that. Doctors
**[00:03:11]** treat you for paranoia. But I wasn't paranoid. I knew the world was out to get me. And I kept
**[00:03:17]** proving it. I kept putting myself in the situations where people had to harm me. Still
**[00:03:22]** talks about that in our book. And the harder I tried, the worse it got. And I just then
**[00:03:30]** discovered chemicals. You know what they did for me? I didn't feel afraid. I didn't feel
**[00:03:39]** that I was going to do something wrong. If I drank vodka, I was one rough tough son of
**[00:03:45]** a gun. Now, I've got some scars on my body that prove the fallacy of that. When I drank
**[00:03:51]** vodka, I fall down a lot. I don't duck very good. When I drank rum, I was the world's
**[00:04:01]** greatest lover. Oh, yeah? No, I didn't get along too well with the girls because I'm
**[00:04:07]** also very sloppy on the road. I don't like that. But I began to develop what was going
**[00:04:15]** to be a pattern for my life. I didn't care what reality was. This is how I felt about
**[00:04:19]** it. And that's what counted. For a while, it would make me fit. Now, I began around to
**[00:04:27]** run around with the kind of people that I was. I began to lose interest in things. And I began
**[00:04:34]** to be more frightened when I was done than when I started. And I was in high school and
**[00:04:39]** I belonged to a loose-knit group of six guys who didn't belong anywhere either. Six missed
**[00:04:45]** bets. What a team we were. Our major activity in our junior year on was to get in the car,
**[00:04:53]** get all the beer in the car we could drink for that night and cruise up and down the Colfax
**[00:04:56]** looking for girls. One night we found something. And I didn't know what to do. True, I'll never
**[00:05:05]** forget that. You see, as a phony, I tried to learn the rules of life. And if I was with
**[00:05:14]** you because I didn't have any resources, well, I don't want to learn your rules. And if I
**[00:05:18]** was with him, I learned his rules. And if I was him, I learned his rules, what he expected.
**[00:05:23]** Well, hell broke loose. If all three of you got in the same room at the same time, I didn't
**[00:05:26]** know what to do. I began to avoid people who gathered in the same room at the same time.
**[00:05:31]** The rule book had never said what you do when you find it. All it said was you go up and down
**[00:05:36]** Colfax looking for it. That's been a pattern in my life, too. Learn the rules to a certain
**[00:05:44]** point. Beyond that, I couldn't think. I ran away from high school in my senior year and
**[00:05:51]** joined the Navy. I didn't do this for the reasons I said. You know, I had noble purposes.
**[00:05:57]** Absolutely. I was going to be a hero, save America, or help save America, for mom's up
**[00:06:03]** and by and all this sort of stuff. I ran away from high school because I couldn't stand
**[00:06:07]** to pressure one more day. My people knew there was something wrong. I knew there was something
**[00:06:12]** wrong. I wasn't going to school on a regular basis. I was misbehaving and I was drunk most
**[00:06:19]** of the time. I joined the Navy. We all figured this would make a man out of me. It didn't.
**[00:06:26]** You didn't. You know, I missed the age just as badly there as I did before. I tried very
**[00:06:32]** hard to please everybody. And in the service, he just can't do that. And I'd get up tight
**[00:06:37]** and I'd go on a beach and I'd get drunk and I'd get in trouble. And after two years, it
**[00:06:41]** made me nice and split the blanket. I was so angry, so upset that I took a bad conduct
**[00:06:50]** discharge of the three months in the marine brig rather than put in one more day trying
**[00:06:55]** to live up to the standards that I couldn't live up to. And I drank a lot. And when I got
**[00:07:01]** out, I came home and I drank. I got out in August and in December my people had had all
**[00:07:08]** I could stand in my drinking because I really was, when they sent me to the therapist and
**[00:07:32]** this therapist gave me a little white tablet. They were using to make therapy a little easier.
**[00:07:37]** Methampetamine hydrochloride. They call it speed today. And I took it and I was home
**[00:07:43]** free. You see, part of the heavy drinking I'd been doing was because booze all by itself
**[00:07:49]** had stopped working. I wasn't comfortable anymore. Nineteen and it didn't work. But this little
**[00:07:54]** tablet did. Oh my god. I volunteered for every drug research program going on in the
**[00:07:59]** city of Denver immediately. And for two years I let research supply me with pills and drugs
**[00:08:05]** and hallucinogens, LSD and masculine. And I learned the rules and I learned what symptoms
**[00:08:11]** they were looking for and they got their symptoms and I got comfortable. I got my trip. I learned
**[00:08:17]** how to be a phony and lived. For the effect of it, somehow I was trying to get comfortable.
**[00:08:25]** Hell my only problem is I've never grown up. I'm a quarter friend of mine in Denver. I'm
**[00:08:31]** going to do a lot of quoting tonight. I'll get away and get back to you. Every time I had
**[00:08:35]** a chance to grow up, every time life presented me with an opportunity to grow up, I got stoned
**[00:08:40]** and it became harder and harder for me to even pretend that I was a normal human being.
**[00:08:49]** I began to mix things. I needed wine to get me off the speed. I needed some whiskey to
**[00:08:54]** make this feeling go away. I needed to mix up this combination to make this feeling go
**[00:08:58]** away. And I married and I had two children. And as usual, I didn't think things right.
**[00:09:06]** Now I'm terrified of people. You know what I became? An insurance salesman. That's
**[00:09:11]** the same. As long as I had my pocket full of pills to get the day going with and my bottle
**[00:09:17]** of wine and eating to smooth it out with, I saw a hell of a lot of insurance until I couldn't
**[00:09:23]** do it anymore. I couldn't manage the money and I was taking it from the debit to pay the
**[00:09:30]** bills and waiting for the check to get it back to the debit. And I came to a day when
**[00:09:34]** I had one more check, they would bounce the books and then I'd get caught and they put
**[00:09:38]** you away and I quit. And I took a bigger and better job back east. Fails manager. For
**[00:09:46]** IBM training school. Got that took a lot of pills and a lot of booze to keep me going
**[00:09:51]** through that. And we bounced around for about two years. Getting out of the job. Living like
**[00:10:00]** trans most of the time and terrified. My got the responsibility of children and a wife when
**[00:10:06]** I was incapable of handling myself and I knew it. Told me up the wall. Finding my wife got
**[00:10:13]** sick of it and she left. I hope God's blessing wherever she is. She was as sick as I was and
**[00:10:20]** I sure hope she finds this program Sunday. I really do. But she left and she left me with
**[00:10:28]** the two babies and I got full of fear and I did the only thing I knew how to do. I just
**[00:10:34]** started getting stoned all the time to hide that fear inside. I began to become all the
**[00:10:41]** things I didn't ever want to be. I couldn't work and I discovered instant money. Banks
**[00:10:48]** give you a piece of paper to pay the order of and if you do it right they pay the order
**[00:10:52]** of and I began to write checks. Instant money. I began to get more and more into the drugs
**[00:10:58]** and into the drug scene and the natural consequences of that is that I became a drug dealer. It's
**[00:11:04]** automatic. I can buy 50 pounds or whatever it is over here and sell part of it. I've
**[00:11:09]** got some for me and I've got some money to live on and it just becomes a way of life.
**[00:11:15]** I became a brother. Now I'm not a good one. Please don't understand. I'm the world's worst
**[00:11:19]** gangster. I'm a kind of brother that had to get all stones and filled up and was good and
**[00:11:25]** dropped before I could break into a place and I'd spend two hours looking over the closets
**[00:11:29]** and the drawers and forget to take anything. Hell of a gangster. Never make the big guy.
**[00:11:40]** I was a petty thief. I would definitely steal from you given an opportunity. I had them become
**[00:11:48]** totally isolated from people from the human race. I'd even had fantasies that maybe I didn't
**[00:11:54]** come from this planet. Nobody could feel that difference still belong here. I kept using
**[00:12:01]** the damn chemicals to make that thing stop and eventually they just made it worse and
**[00:12:06]** they came when I couldn't stop even what I wanted to. I just lost heart. We ran and
**[00:12:14]** the kid and I would jump to California and then we'd run back to Denver and then we'd
**[00:12:18]** jump to Cincinnati and then to Phoenix. I don't know about that but I got tired. Got
**[00:12:23]** off the tire. I got into smuggling then. Real big time. Hell I was broke in Albuquerque and
**[00:12:32]** a friend of mine put me onto the smuggling deal and made me some money and I took it because
**[00:12:35]** I didn't know what else to do. Three months later the federal government sent two to the
**[00:12:40]** three. I keep thinking the one in the front door and the one in the back door. I forget
**[00:12:43]** the one who came through the window. They came out to my house and told me you can't
**[00:12:47]** do that. You don't smuggle marijuana into this country and they frightened me. They
**[00:12:52]** really did. These guys were big and they were mean and they had guns. But you know I'm
**[00:12:58]** an alcoholic. I developed an attitude. You people have just made me a criminal. My
**[00:13:05]** activities didn't. Getting caught. That made me a criminal and you caught me. So I decided
**[00:13:10]** to be a good one. They sent me to the federal penitentiary in Texas. For the first time in
**[00:13:16]** years I dried out and I began to learn all sorts of slip techniques about blowing safes
**[00:13:23]** and you know all the neat things. You know what I did the first night I got out. I went
**[00:13:28]** to Albuquerque and I got stoned. What else do you do? And I stayed that way for some
**[00:13:35]** time and then the police in Boulder picked me up after a blackout in a stream trying
**[00:13:43]** to wake up after a five day binge. And I had my kids with me and I don't know how we got
**[00:13:49]** off that mountain. And they took them away and they put me in jail for six days and couldn't
**[00:13:55]** find any charges to hold me on and release me. And I decided to go straight. Anybody here
**[00:14:01]** ever decide to go straight? Fantastic procedure. I got a job. A real honest and good job at
**[00:14:08]** a dollar and a half an hour cooking hamburgers at the Burger King in Aurora. And I moved
**[00:14:14]** in with a Boy Scout troop leader because if I'm going to learn the rules I might as well
**[00:14:19]** get it from the top. Let me tell you, if it's impossible for an alcoholic it might
**[00:14:23]** type to live comfortably with a Boy Scout troop leader. Absolutely impossible. I don't understand
**[00:14:29]** for this guy. And I'll guarantee you he didn't understand me and he tried. My sickness caught
**[00:14:38]** up with me in about four months. That's how long fear kept me straight. My sickness caught
**[00:14:43]** up with me. I had taken another job. The kids were back with me now and you know the pressure
**[00:14:49]** was on. I hadn't learned anything new. I know for a fact for the alcoholic one of
**[00:14:56]** anything it's absolute disaster. I am an alcoholic and one of the girls at work to help
**[00:15:03]** me stay away through my second job gave me one dexamel tablet. And I took it and by morning
**[00:15:09]** I had broken into her house and stolen her bottle so that when the drugstore opened in
**[00:15:13]** the morning I had it refilled for my own use. I bought some YM haters and I ate them because
**[00:15:19]** they get me very stoned. Yeah, they will make you insane. I wrote three prescriptions
**[00:15:27]** of my own and went on tear. Went on tear. I went insane immediately. If anybody here is
**[00:15:36]** thinking that maybe they can safely take just one, please don't. If you're an alcoholic like
**[00:15:42]** I am, you will end up on a tear. The state of Colorado sent some people to my door. One
**[00:15:52]** day you see, by God's grace I got a Christmas present. It can't be beat. On December 25th
**[00:16:01]** of 1967 I tried to kill myself the same way I had been living. In that crummy little basement
**[00:16:08]** I took a two-month supply of amputees and run it up my arm and they found a bunch of empty
**[00:16:12]** beer bottles in my place. I tried to die the same way. December 26th in the morning the
**[00:16:18]** police came to my house and took me away. By the grace of God and the help of Alcoholics
**[00:16:24]** Anonymous I haven't had a drink or a pill or a fix or a desire since that day. It took
**[00:16:31]** me to the Denver County Jail. God brought me to you people. He brought me here directly.
**[00:16:39]** My own devices and trying to figure it out, the probation officer and the judge and the
**[00:16:44]** district attorney and my lawyer and me, all agreed that I belonged in a hospital and that
**[00:16:52]** was to be my sentence. They had nine different charges on me. I don't behave well. They wanted
**[00:16:58]** second on behavior. The deal was if I would plead guilty to one of them, they'd suspend
**[00:17:05]** that sentence in favor of sending me to a federal hospital where I could get some treatment.
**[00:17:10]** I had a very wise probation officer. This is the guy who knew me better than anybody.
**[00:17:14]** He said, no bother. The man's a psychopath. He's untreatable. It doesn't matter where
**[00:17:19]** you lock him up. Just get him off the street. He's dangerous. And they didn't have a hospital
**[00:17:26]** in the United States at that time that would accept my type of addiction. At that point
**[00:17:29]** we thought I was just street-free. I couldn't even be honest about that. So I went to the
**[00:17:35]** federal or the state penitentiary in Colorado, Canyon City. And I thank God for that. Because
**[00:17:41]** it was in Canyon City that I heard the words that have saved my life. Part of the indoctrination
**[00:17:50]** over there, they sent three guys from Alcoholics. I'm going to try not to cry. Because 70% of
**[00:18:00]** the people that are locked up there, there's a direct result of alcohol. Direct result.
**[00:18:06]** And these three guys came in and listened. If you're here, if you're new, listen, I was
**[00:18:14]** at a point of zero. I really didn't know anything. In Denver County Jail, I had said
**[00:18:20]** a prayer. It's as close as I could come to a prayer. Things began to change inside me.
**[00:18:29]** I didn't want to do this insane thing anymore. I didn't have any idea that there was anything
**[00:18:33]** else I could do. But part of the jail routine is I listened to your lives for 10 minutes
**[00:18:40]** and you listen to mine for 10 minutes and we both deliver ourselves and take a nap. And
**[00:18:45]** among this, the line and the talking, everybody had the same idea. When we get out of here,
**[00:18:51]** I heard it a few minutes ago. We deserved our good one. We'll go out and get ready. Now
**[00:18:56]** my mouth will say this and in my heart, I really didn't feel it. I remember that new feeling
**[00:19:01]** and I didn't know what it was. I just knew I didn't want to do that. So they call us down
**[00:19:05]** and down with zero. I was listening. I was at a point where I really didn't know anything
**[00:19:12]** and they said, you will come down here, all of you, and you will listen to this. So I did.
**[00:19:17]** And this guy got up and he said, my name is Doc. And I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
**[00:19:24]** And that means I am powerless over alcohol and drugs. And in my life has become unmanageable.
**[00:19:29]** And he pointed his finger at it. He said, if any of you smart bastards think your life
**[00:19:34]** is still manageable, look at the reward the state just gave you for the beautiful job
**[00:19:38]** you've been doing. I heard what that man said. I was put into one place where I would hear
**[00:19:49]** what I needed to hear. He was right. Someone had finally told Don what was wrong with him.
**[00:19:55]** I had had years of people saying, what do you do that for? Well, I don't know. Why don't
**[00:20:01]** you quit? It's going to kill you. I know it, but I can't. I don't know. This man said
**[00:20:05]** I was powerless over alcohol and drugs. And my life had become unmanageable. And he went
**[00:20:09]** on to explain what that meant. And I heard him. God had given me something I could hear.
**[00:20:17]** And he said, there's a way out. Most important words I've ever heard in my life. He said,
**[00:20:24]** listen, you don't ever have to hurt like that again. You don't ever have to hurt like that
**[00:20:29]** again. I didn't know that. I'm an intellectual giant, but I didn't know that I didn't have
**[00:20:34]** to hurt like that. He said, you don't have to die in this penitentiary or one like it.
**[00:20:40]** You don't have to die in a gutter or in a hospital drunk. I didn't know that. I had
**[00:20:48]** to listen to him because he was what I was and he wasn't drinking anymore. And he wasn't
**[00:20:54]** shooting dope anymore. And I said, we have what's known as the 12 step study school.
**[00:21:01]** I got to that. Before you become a member of the new life group in Kingdom City at that
**[00:21:07]** time, you had to attend five consecutive weekends where all they did was study this book, worked
**[00:21:15]** these steps to carry their experience, strength and hope. Or you didn't get to become a member
**[00:21:21]** of the group. Saturday. You had to give up something though. And this is important. Saturday
**[00:21:29]** afternoon is the movie. You can go to the big yard and listen to the guy's lie about the
**[00:21:36]** Cadillac. If you go to the movie, or you can go to, hey, hey, hey, you don't get to see
**[00:21:42]** the movie. And unless you like lying about Cadillacs or playing with boys, hey, and the
**[00:21:47]** movie is it? That's the only entertainment you've got. They carried the message to us
**[00:21:54]** again. They had a little slip. A reminder slip on our bunks that there would be a first
**[00:22:01]** step meeting held in the school starting at one o'clock right at the lunch. And a couple
**[00:22:06]** of us decided let's go. I don't want to die in here. Let's go. And we talked about the first
**[00:22:12]** step. And Sunday I went back. And we discussed the second step. I say we discussed. My name
**[00:22:22]** had been Don. And now it was 38984. And I had a sponsor who renamed me Dummy. And Dummies
**[00:22:28]** don't get to talk. Listen, this man was in that planetece for a murder. He'd committed
**[00:22:40]** an act of violence in the midst of a stick up. Oh, he was drunk. I'd never done that. This
**[00:22:48]** man talked to me about how he heard and how he thought and what it was that got him so
**[00:22:53]** messed up that he had to take the drinks that got him some messed up. But he went out and
**[00:22:57]** did that. I had done every one of those things. I knew what he was talking about. I knew about
**[00:23:02]** rage and anger. They pointed out to me the insanity of the alcoholic I behaved insanely
**[00:23:10]** after I drank and shocked the stuff. But my insanity began when I uncorked the bottle
**[00:23:18]** and took that first drink or took that fix. That's when it began. In all honesty, I must
**[00:23:24]** tell you I never did get high accidentally. I thought it all out. I took real pains to
**[00:23:30]** make sure the circumstances would be right so I could get stoned right. There's no game.
**[00:23:36]** They made me give up all my excuses. That's a hell of a thing to do with a man who don't
**[00:23:41]** know how to live. They gave me give up all my excuses. They made me try to become rigorously
**[00:23:47]** honest. And I couldn't even spell it. I had a sponsor who was doing a natural life sentence
**[00:23:56]** for a double murder committed in the midst of a hole in it. Never to be pardoned in the
**[00:24:04]** natural life term. By the way, he's out. He's been paroled to another ex-convict. I know
**[00:24:09]** it doesn't make sense. But at this time he didn't think he'd ever get out of there. And he looked
**[00:24:15]** me in the eye and he said he was comfortable. And I had to believe him. He really was. Now
**[00:24:20]** listen, I'm going to pay attention to anybody that can get comfortable in an 8x10 toilet
**[00:24:24]** that's filled with copper. Because I sure as hell wasn't. But he said he was. And he began
**[00:24:31]** to gently. Also gently. You have no idea how beautiful those guys are. Because I couldn't
**[00:24:38]** stand many more shocks. God gave me the right kind of people. They gently began to lead me
**[00:24:44]** down this fantastic path. My job was in the dishroom for that penitentiary. That's a hell
**[00:24:52]** of a place for a guy who's a physical coward, let me tell you. That's why they make all
**[00:24:55]** the booze and that's where all the riots start. And here I was working in the middle
**[00:25:00]** of all that and it's here to death. But all the other new guys were down there too. And
**[00:25:04]** we spent our days, our time, talking about this new thing we were going to, this Alcoholic
**[00:25:09]** Anonymous. And the following Saturday I discussed the need to turn you well in your life over
**[00:25:18]** the care of God as you understand. And it had brought me to a place where I could accept
**[00:25:22]** this back. God loves me. I didn't know that. But I accepted that back. And I made my decision
**[00:25:31]** and I sat back and I waited for the boom for my big pleasure life. It's what's supposed
**[00:25:35]** to happen. Nothing ever significant ever happened in my life. It didn't go boom or
**[00:25:40]** bang or. And it didn't come and I was terribly disappointed and frightened. And I went to
**[00:25:46]** my sponsor and I told him that. And he said, Don, be grateful for that. Flash is a lie
**[00:25:51]** to nearly kill you all your life. And we discussed that. Martina gives you a flash of
**[00:25:57]** life. A hypodermic syringe full of LSD. Guaranteed flash of life. They nearly killed
**[00:26:03]** me. I said, OK, what do I do? I know this is not enough to just say, OK, this book says,
**[00:26:10]** I'm willing, I'm ready. What do I do to implement this decision? He gave me a pencil on a piece
**[00:26:16]** of paper and sent me off to myself to write a searching and fairness moral inventory. And
**[00:26:20]** he didn't show me how to do it. He said the directions were in here. And I went up and
**[00:26:24]** I did a magnificent job. It took almost a half hour. I had a couple sheets of paper there
**[00:26:30]** and I ran back up to the school and I found a guy and we sat down and for two hours he
**[00:26:33]** justified my behavior. And something happened inside of me. I came to the awareness that there
**[00:26:41]** was something definitely wrong. It said that he was supposed to listen to me. And I came
**[00:26:47]** to understand that I had not been honest. I hadn't written a searching and fairness moral
**[00:26:50]** inventory. I was playing the old game, running the rules, getting some quickies done. I had
**[00:26:58]** to go back to myself and get honest. Do I want to live or do I want to die? Do I want
**[00:27:02]** to be comfortable? What do I really want? And they have told me, when you write this inventory
**[00:27:11]** and ask God's help, I hadn't done that first time. Who needed it? This time I did. And I
**[00:27:18]** must tell you that it was no magnificent thing. But I wrote a searching and a fairness moral
**[00:27:23]** inventory and it took a while. And they told me when you're through with this, you must.
**[00:27:30]** You must go to someone and talk about it. But you must find somebody that isn't going
**[00:27:38]** to be terribly affected by it. Somebody that isn't going to be hurt by it. Can I pick the
**[00:27:42]** guy with the same amount of sobriety I had? He was so screwed up, there's no way I could
**[00:27:45]** hurt him. And he listened. All I talked. And he would throw a few things in as we went. We
**[00:27:53]** spent a couple of three hours up in that school. And at the end, I found out something that I hadn't
**[00:27:58]** put on that paper, but I came to understand that my gravest defect in character was the
**[00:28:02]** fact that I relied far too much on my resources and on your resources as human beings and nowhere
**[00:28:09]** near enough on God. And I came away from that experience knowing that I had a whole lifetime
**[00:28:15]** of this examination to do, but that I had done it right for me. You know how I knew that? I felt
**[00:28:23]** better. I felt better. I can't describe what I felt except I felt better. And I went back to myself,
**[00:28:31]** again, under the direction of my sponsor, and I sat down. I looked this thing over and I
**[00:28:37]** had done a thorough job as throwing the good. I knew it wasn't complete. And I asked
**[00:28:43]** guy to remove my defects of character. And because of the knowledge that I had at that
**[00:28:46]** moment, I also tacked on and please don't let the ones I hadn't got to kill me before I get to them.
**[00:28:55]** I must tell you that he did that. I'm here tonight. I don't do the things I used to do anymore. I don't
**[00:29:03]** think the way I used to think anymore. I get frightened. I get scared. I get tempted to cheat
**[00:29:10]** a little bit here. It's still there. But you know what? Every time I happen if I ask God's help,
**[00:29:16]** it stops and stops now. It's fantastic. So I did that. And I got to tell you, it's a good thing I
**[00:29:26]** always walked up. I made me a list of all the people I had harmed and I became willing to
**[00:29:31]** make amends to them all. And Don Fritz, number 38984, got free. The feeling of freedom came to me
**[00:29:39]** locked in my cell one night. On the fourth tier in cell house one in the Colorado state penitentiary,
**[00:29:44]** I got free. This book and my sponsor said the minute you are willing to face everybody that
**[00:29:51]** you've ever done. If you're willing to do it, that's the key. And you can become free. And the feeling
**[00:29:58]** was this. What a feeling. But it's a good thing I was locked up because I got excited and I want to
**[00:30:05]** run out and make amends to everybody instantly. God, they had to lock me up. I thought I'd done
**[00:30:10]** that. These beautiful people, you people, have constantly worked on me to slow me down. I had a man
**[00:30:21]** the same guy that was in there for life. See, look, there's people I can never reach. He said,
**[00:30:26]** they won't let him in the same. He had a funny attitude. He wasn't locked in. You were locked up.
**[00:30:33]** Probably why he was comfortable. And he showed me how to write letters to some of them.
**[00:30:41]** He showed me how to be willing to wait until I got out. And he showed me the most important
**[00:30:46]** thing of all for me. He said, yeah, God help you write that inventory. God's in charge of your
**[00:30:52]** life now. Let him help you decide when and where you're going to make direct demands. Don't run
**[00:30:58]** him up out there. Don't create any more chaos in your life or the lives of people around you.
**[00:31:03]** Don't ever run and duck. But don't make him any ask yourself. He said and go out there and
**[00:31:09]** try it and follow them. I did what he said. To the best of my ability. I continue to take
**[00:31:18]** personal inventory. When I'm wrong, as properly as I can, I admit it. He taught me to learn
**[00:31:28]** to live one day at a time. A wild thing happened along the way. They let me out of that penitentiary.
**[00:31:35]** My time was up. Now, this was a strange day and a fantastic thing began to happen. I began to be
**[00:31:42]** aware of the miracles of God's love in my life and the active participation so long as I was
**[00:31:50]** willing to rely upon him. I still had some federal time in my old room and they paroled me to the
**[00:31:56]** federal authorities to finish that four-year stretch that I hadn't finished up before. And
**[00:32:02]** I was ready to go ahead and do that. This program worked just fine with penitentiary. Just fine. I
**[00:32:07]** could live this way for another four years. There's not any Denver to wait the trial that I had to go
**[00:32:12]** through. And it's a wild experience coming from the penitentiary to the jail. You know, when you go
**[00:32:20]** to the jail for the penitentiary, you're a bum. When you come out of the penitentiary to the
**[00:32:23]** jail, they treat you like a man. They let you have your own cigarettes. They're nice to you.
**[00:32:28]** And this was a new experience for me. The policeman and sheriff's office was being nice to me.
**[00:32:34]** And it didn't matter. And they took me to trial after two weeks
**[00:32:39]** and they destroyed all my losers. The federal judge reinstated my probation and said I could
**[00:32:43]** go out. Well, this was a long weekend. I think it was Labor Day, one of those. It was a long weekend.
**[00:32:50]** I had $17 in my pocket. No job. No place to live. Nobody out here that wanted to see me again.
**[00:32:58]** My family was done. They'd been burned out. All I had was this program.
**[00:33:07]** And the word of a man from Alcoholics Anonymous, who the week before had been to the meeting,
**[00:33:11]** and I said, Reed, how am I going to be accepted out there? God bless him. He said,
**[00:33:15]** why don't you come and find out? If you'll come to a meeting the first night out,
**[00:33:19]** you'll probably stay out. That's all he said to me. Except that one of us will be there to meet you.
**[00:33:28]** When they released me, as I took my blankets downstairs, a colored kid handed me a little
**[00:33:34]** slip of paper out of his cell. He said, go see this guy. Maybe he could help you get a job.
**[00:33:38]** Turned out to be a daily labor fool. You'll work one day. You get paid for that day.
**[00:33:44]** Fantastic. That's how I'm running out of live anyway. Why not?
**[00:33:48]** You people taught me to be completely honest with everybody I meet.
**[00:33:53]** So after they took me downtown, we signed the paper to put me on the street. I went over to see this
**[00:33:57]** guy. And I walked in, and I had that morning, said to God, you leave me. I'll go where you want,
**[00:34:05]** and do what you want, because I don't know how to live. And I knew he loved me, and I knew he
**[00:34:11]** didn't want me to starve for death. I knew he'd take care of me, and I really knew that.
**[00:34:16]** So I went to see this guy, and I walked in, and I said, look, I just got out of the penitentiary.
**[00:34:21]** I'm recovering alcoholic in the drug addict. Do you have any work? And he got excited.
**[00:34:27]** I'm just exactly what he was looking for. I don't know why, but he sure got turned out. You
**[00:34:32]** bet he had work. And we ran down to this place, and they told us down there that they didn't hire
**[00:34:37]** ex-convex, but they would work me in a box car one day at a time unloading. This is neat. I'm not
**[00:34:41]** an ex-convex anyway. Now I'm a man, and I've been to prison. I had a guy who wasn't a convict
**[00:34:48]** teach me that. He was a man who was in prison. He pointed out to me that ex-convex go back,
**[00:34:53]** about 70 percent of them. I don't want to go back. It's a little attitude shift.
**[00:35:00]** But yes, they would put me to work the next day. And the miraculous things began to happen. The
**[00:35:05]** miracle took place in my life, because Jack asked me, do you want to work today? And I said yes,
**[00:35:11]** and I found out something. God never, never tests me. But he continually allows me to find out
**[00:35:18]** consciously where I'm at, because they sent me out to Abbott Laboratories.
**[00:35:22]** I haven't laboratories, manufacturers, and distributes the stuff I like the best,
**[00:35:27]** but very best. And I spent the day working alongside a boy who had a bandage on his arm,
**[00:35:32]** because he'd missed the night before unloading box cars and the stuff. And I knew I didn't want
**[00:35:37]** it anymore. Do you know what it feels like to know that God's done that? Whew. He had taken away
**[00:35:45]** what I asked him to take away my insane compulsion to do these things. He wasn't there. I didn't
**[00:35:49]** want to do it. He gave me the sanity to say no when the man at Abbott Laboratories offered me
**[00:35:54]** a full-time job. I don't know how long I stand being around that stuff daily, after day, after day.
**[00:36:00]** That's ridiculous. I said, no, and I went to work for a company that does an higher-edge
**[00:36:04]** convex. And a few months later, they put me on payroll. I don't know what they do with
**[00:36:09]** that convex, but they will hire a man who's been depressed. I became a truck driver.
**[00:36:16]** I didn't know that's what I was. A truck driver. And I loved it. I loved it. And I went to meetings
**[00:36:24]** every night, and I began to discover the real fellowship of this program. I discovered God
**[00:36:31]** through people. I look into your eyes, and I see the reflection of my father. You taught me that.
**[00:36:38]** For six months, I couldn't have a car. So people from alcoholic synonymous thought, too,
**[00:36:44]** I got to every meeting within a hundred miles. Nobody ever tried to ram anything down my throat.
**[00:36:52]** But they saw to it that I got everything I ever needed. I made a friend. I made a friend.
**[00:36:59]** A man that no matter whether I'm sick or well is glad to see me. Fantastic. I never had a friend.
**[00:37:08]** The most unlikely man in the world. I'll tell you, I wouldn't have picked him for anybody.
**[00:37:14]** His mind's too fast for me. But we became friends, and we did things, and I worked, and I went to
**[00:37:22]** meetings. But it came down as Joy said to the house father in a recovery house. I didn't want
**[00:37:28]** to do that. I already didn't. I was quite warm and supportive. But I didn't want to do that. I
**[00:37:34]** enjoyed being alone. God revealed things to me in funny ways. I laid in my bed one night thinking
**[00:37:40]** how neat it was to be alone in my own apartment. And I might as well have been hitting the
**[00:37:44]** ball bat because the realization to me came to me. It is not nice to be alone. Never again am I
**[00:37:51]** to be alone. You people make it possible for me not to be alone. That's what was killing me
**[00:37:57]** being alone. Being alienated and being separated. So I moved in with this bunch of nuts. One experience.
**[00:38:07]** 24 hours a day I had to work the program to stay sane. So I heard out of it. We had drunk
**[00:38:14]** some junkies falling in and out the front door and the back door. And we didn't get along with
**[00:38:19]** each other too good. Those of us who were trying to do this, we began to learn how to live with
**[00:38:24]** one another. And to learn by the traditions in this program. And to try very hard to stick
**[00:38:31]** close to our primary purpose. To achieve sobriety. And to pass it on. 24 hour day 12 step work is
**[00:38:41]** fantastic. I do that today. I learned something not too long ago. I learned that a man said something
**[00:38:51]** to me and I felt the truth. Every time you meet me you should 12 step me and I'll do that to you
**[00:38:56]** too. And you know what the message is? We carry. You don't have to die drunk. You don't have to
**[00:39:03]** hurt that way. You carry the message of hope. And we do this by hugging and kissing and shaking
**[00:39:12]** hands and saying how are you? Hell I know how you are if you're here you're fine. Fine. But I'll
**[00:39:18]** ask you anyway. Once in a while somebody says I'm really not feeling too good. And that's me. Somebody
**[00:39:25]** else got on. You've given me my life. You have taught me how to pray. You took away my excuse
**[00:39:37]** that I didn't know how to pray. Before every meeting it starts out God grant me surrender.
**[00:39:46]** That's God's phone number. You taught me that. If I say that I hook up instantly and directly.
**[00:39:51]** I'm hooked in. We begin a meeting by saying God and we spend the next however long it takes
**[00:39:58]** listening to what he has to say. Each one of us talks and passes on what we learned today. You
**[00:40:05]** taught me I don't have to be brilliant. You've taught me all I can have to do today is give you
**[00:40:09]** what I have today. Some days that isn't much. Some days that's so much I think I'm gonna bust
**[00:40:16]** re-inside out. If I can't get ahold of somebody and say look isn't this neat. You've taught me
**[00:40:23]** that God loves me like nobody else ever existed. And he loves you the same way. And this is a very
**[00:40:29]** practical God. When we got married it became very apparent that I'm incapable of supplying
**[00:40:35]** adequate bread for that many people. So all I can do to care of me and we decided if God wants
**[00:40:40]** us fed you'll have to do it. And he has. We've missed me. In fact it gets spooky. We should miss
**[00:40:48]** you. I should. You make it impossible for me to remain silent every again in my life. It's in
**[00:40:59]** silence that I'm sick. There are times when silence comes to me in meditation and that's good.
**[00:41:06]** But for me to remain silent in your presence I can't do that anymore. That's part of my sickness.
**[00:41:13]** If I can't do any more than say I love you or help me I must be willing to do either one of those things.
**[00:41:21]** They're both healthy. I didn't think it was healthy to be able to say help me.
**[00:41:26]** Big old strong me. I weighed 133 pounds. So can what? Big old strong me. I'm going to tell you my
**[00:41:40]** favorite story because I don't have anything else to say of any importance. This story sums up for me
**[00:41:48]** in the most beautiful words I've ever heard just exactly what you people are. My life was like a
**[00:41:55]** great huge lake. And I'd swum about halfway across this lake with my anvil in my hand.
**[00:42:01]** And it finally got to heavy I couldn't go any further. I was just barely treading water only
**[00:42:05]** on my anvil out in the middle of the lake. I was going to drown. And I looked up and on this bank
**[00:42:13]** we're a group of people and they saw me and they said hang on young man we're going to have a quick
**[00:42:18]** prayer service and we'll get you out of there. And they did it. And beautiful things happened
**[00:42:24]** for them. My anvil just got heavier and heavier. And over here on this bank we're a group of
**[00:42:29]** fine well-dressed citizens. One of them hollowed out to me and said hey hang on there for a second
**[00:42:34]** we're going to pass a law that makes swimming illegal and you'll have to come out. And they went
**[00:42:39]** off and did it and my anvil just kept getting heavier and heavier. And over on this bank we're a
**[00:42:46]** group of men with slip sticks and sextings and all kinds of material. They said hang on young
**[00:42:51]** man we're going to build a bridge across this lake and when we get out in the middle we'll reach
**[00:42:55]** down and we'll haul you out. But hang on because first of all we have to make a feasibility study
**[00:43:00]** and see how many people are going to use it and we've got to get our material list together
**[00:43:04]** and get the money raised. My anvil just can't get heavier and heavier. Often a little quiet little
**[00:43:10]** cold. A bunch of people were having a barbecue and having a good time. Oh they had a thing like
**[00:43:17]** this AA and take it easy and signs all around them and a few of their members were walking down
**[00:43:21]** along the beach. One of them saw me and he said hey out there you got my attention. He said hey
**[00:43:28]** drop your anvil. Well this was the only one I had you know this struck me it's kind of funny
**[00:43:35]** if I let go of that anvil I wouldn't have one anymore. And I told him so the narrow anvil
**[00:43:41]** he said listen if you don't want to drop drop your anvil. I was right about where you are just a few
**[00:43:46]** months ago with a GMC truck transformation in my hand. And I'll probably show this if you'll drop
**[00:43:53]** it it'll go right straight to the bottom. And if you ever ever need it again you can always swim
**[00:43:57]** right back out here and dive down. It'll be there and you can have my transmission too if you ever
**[00:44:01]** get destined. But if you don't want to die drop your anvil. And I didn't want to die so I did.
**[00:44:10]** And all those people stopped what they were doing and came out of the beach. One of them said to me
**[00:44:16]** reach out with your right hand and get a handful of water. Pull up behind you. And I did that and
**[00:44:21]** I moved a little bit toward the beach. And another one hollered now. Reach out with your left hand
**[00:44:27]** and give you a little handful of water and pull up behind you. I moved a little further toward the
**[00:44:31]** beach. And one day saw I could do this number pretty good. One nice little lady stood out.
**[00:44:37]** Kicked your right foot up and out of you. And I did and I moved a little faster. Another man said now
**[00:44:43]** kick that left leg up and down. Keep reaching. Keep kicking. And I made it to the beach.
**[00:44:50]** Your people covered me with blankets. Look here tonight so I didn't have to swim back out and drown.
**[00:45:11]** One, two, three, four, five, six. My family can remember the time when I wasn't. And everybody I
**[00:45:21]** came in contact can remember the time that I wasn't. But tonight I am and maybe tomorrow I
**[00:45:30]** will be. And you look. Happy occasion for three of us tonight and maybe more of you. But especially
**[00:45:38]** for three of us it's our anniversary. And like Jim says he was the first sponsor. I was the second.
**[00:45:50]** And Harry of course is sponsored people. But the three of us kind of have got through the years
**[00:45:58]** some way over. We're real happy about it. I don't have much of a speech to make except to say
**[00:46:07]** I'm happy to be here. Well Bob's right. Harry's not going to get out of it. He's going to come up
**[00:46:21]** here too. And so next I'd like to give you Harry with the 15 years this month and I'm real happy
**[00:46:28]** for him. And just watch your language here. I'm very happy to be here. And today is my 15 years.
**[00:46:46]** And that 35 cents that he mentioned wasn't 35 cents at all. I know those boys in that
**[00:46:50]** back room and they've been heavier than that. And I'm glad they all lost their money. I never
**[00:46:55]** have found out who bet on my side. But I hope he had a good win streak. Sure. Thank you very much.
**[00:47:02]** And I'm real happy to be here. And God willing I hope I can be here next year and the year after
**[00:47:07]** and the year after that. Thank you very much. They talk all time and I just get few times.
**[00:47:24]** Oh yeah. That's not like a good idea. I'm glad you brought it up.
**[00:47:33]** Fine. No I would like to hear from from you girls. And Fern, why don't you come up here first.
**[00:47:56]** Okay. Thank you. Anyhow. Gwen how about you coming up and just saying a few words out was.
**[00:48:11]** I'm sure happy to be here. And I'm sure this is the most happier 15 years that we've ever had.
**[00:48:46]** Harry's always said he was always a real clean cut kid.
**[00:48:56]** Well I know if he wants to say a few words I think this would be the time to say it.
**[00:49:07]** Did you want to come up here. I'll have to care of that. I don't know why a guy gets drunk. Ties
**[00:49:21]** in that stuff and stays with it. Something I've never figured out and I really quit trying.
**[00:49:27]** Maybe there's a lot of reasons. I was born farm just near small town.
**[00:49:35]** Maybe that causes it. I don't know being born near small town. Give you an idea how small it was
**[00:49:41]** when he should zip code to put a decimal point in front of him. The youngest child in the family
**[00:49:51]** maybe the family. Maybe that baby. I don't know. I had things a little better than the other two
**[00:49:58]** kids did. Maybe that caused me to drink. Don't really know him. Don't really care. I'm glad I did.
**[00:50:07]** And I'm glad that I found they ate. I'm glad I found the North Platte group.
**[00:50:16]** I guess everybody thinks his own group is the best. There's wonderful groups all over the
**[00:50:22]** country. And I've been to a lot of them. And I think North Platte is real fortunate.
**[00:50:31]** We've had some AAs move in here lately. And I'm tickled with that CMLP. You'll be an active
**[00:50:42]** member of our group, Mike, like you've been in Grand Island. And I'd like Mike from
**[00:50:47]** recently from Grand Island, Grand Island, Mt. North Platte. Would you come up and say
**[00:50:52]** I am Mike and I'm an alcoholic. North Platte is not too new to me. I spend my Saturday nights in the
**[00:51:11]** KC Club or in the AA group for quite a few years up here. I spend half of my life up here I guess
**[00:51:18]** with the railroad. It was generally in the bar in front of a mirror admired my mind or some
**[00:51:26]** chasing somebody or something. There is a pretty good fella here though. He's told me my last
**[00:51:36]** final whiskey or got it for me. I woke up one morning Sunday shaking sick just about to go to
**[00:51:46]** work and didn't know whether I could make it to North Platte to Grand Island without a drink.
**[00:51:50]** I called him up and he took care of that. And I think that was just about my last final whiskey.
**[00:51:56]** I don't know. It was neared anyway. Oh, really? I don't care. I guess I would be leaving this kind
**[00:52:17]** of a life. I might not be. The fella in Grand Island after it always claims that had we not been
**[00:52:28]** alcoholic turned to the boob that we might have wound up and then seen asylum anyway because of our
**[00:52:37]** makeup were kind of quite strong and had we not added had it not been for the boob. We might have not
**[00:52:48]** turned out to get in. So I think we're pretty fortunate to be able to wind up alcoholics and then
**[00:52:56]** be able to find a place such as this to straighten our lives out. It was under a hell of a lot of
**[00:53:08]** pressure from several different directions. I think I'd been threatened to be divorced. I don't
**[00:53:14]** know how many times. I've done my job several times. It don't seem like there's any way to scare an
**[00:53:28]** alcoholic. The doctor had scared me. My liver was getting hot. I was getting physically in pretty
**[00:53:36]** bad shape, probably shaped spiritually. You put that all together. It's pretty hard to face without
**[00:53:47]** a drink or other my way down to the ante. I think there was about three pulling and one pushing to
**[00:53:59]** get me down there. And I hate it now. I hate it but I can see where I delayed my sobriety. I quite
**[00:54:14]** a bit my happy sobriety by getting down there sitting behind the post and letting the other people do
**[00:54:21]** the work. Just as soon as the meeting was over by others for a while I wouldn't even wait for a cup
**[00:54:30]** of coffee. And then it got so I'd maybe stay for one. But until I started enjoying the company,
**[00:54:42]** started pitching in and helping with some of the work, I didn't enjoy my sobriety too much. I
**[00:54:47]** just as well have been a drinker if it stayed on like that. But I think that was a turning point
**[00:54:55]** about six to eight months after I'd been in. I kept coming once a week. I think we're only
**[00:55:00]** at a meeting. I'd pray to God I'd be out of town on meeting nights so I wouldn't have to go. That's
**[00:55:05]** how bad I wanted to be. I'd rather found some other way. And that was him. He had a lot to do with it.
**[00:55:14]** That I stayed long enough to find out what it was all about. I've been happy sobriety. I mean I
**[00:55:27]** suppose I had some good times drinking. But in the last five years of my drinking it became work.
**[00:55:33]** I used to bid in a local so I'd be away from home. I could least get off the job,
**[00:55:43]** get my jug, go to my room. Nobody was a nagging at me. And that helped some. But I still had to
**[00:55:52]** face up and go home on Saturday night. And then it was held till Sunday night so I could leave to
**[00:55:58]** go back. And had it not been for her though. Maybe I wouldn't be here yet. She was one of the
**[00:56:07]** pressures. And I had about quite a few kids that were getting at the age where
**[00:56:15]** they were quite a bit disappointed in their father. And I don't know. The hurt that could
**[00:56:24]** see in their eyes and I could home all looped up. The hurt I could see in their eyes when I promised
**[00:56:30]** them I was going to do something and there wasn't no shade to do it when at some time began to hurt
**[00:56:38]** the inside me. And I think until that inside pressure, I mean physically or financially
**[00:56:50]** I don't know if a fellow would ever stop going. I think it comes from inside. That hurt something
**[00:56:54]** that most of us just can't stand. I couldn't and I think that follows along the line. So a lot
**[00:57:06]** respect for myself. It seems like that's why it finally says something's got to happen.
**[00:57:21]** I had a fortune that I knew about. It's been the AA and I think it might have kept
**[00:57:24]** that in the back of my mind. When I get as bad as he is or he was, maybe I'll give it a try.
**[00:57:33]** But it took some while before it made any sense to me at all. Go down there to 6-8-10. That was
**[00:57:39]** about the size of it when I started. They seemed to be happy and when you got a block up there and
**[00:57:48]** really don't want to let anything in, it's pretty hard for them fellas to get to you.
**[00:57:55]** But when I finally give up, she said, well, boy, this is it. I'll do a gas. You start enjoying
**[00:58:02]** their company. I started enjoying AA. I started enjoying sobriety. Missed with myself and everybody
**[00:58:20]** else. I would probably lead people to believe that I got sober for my family. My folks or
**[00:58:34]** some other got given me. If I was honest about it, I was sick and tired of myself. I just
**[00:58:41]** couldn't live that way anymore. You start doing it for yourself. The other people get to benefit
**[00:58:48]** of it. And I figured that it was a lot of friends over there going to AA. But Biggie Sharon was
**[00:59:06]** glad to see me. So I didn't give a damn where I went to get it easily. I didn't think I could
**[00:59:14]** be happier. Have any fun without the booth. I mean, it's in a lot of other ways. It's a pretty
**[00:59:29]** good feeling to be able to feed your family, clothe your family, get a decent house for them.
**[00:59:38]** It's pretty rewarding in that way. Be able to take, go to the ball games of Christ. I have
**[00:59:56]** tipped it. I've worked hard now for about three months. The bills are pretty well caught up. I had
**[01:00:03]** a drink coming. I was sober several times. Nine months one time. We just kept getting a little
**[01:00:24]** shorter, four months, three months. There, it's the last about 30 days apart. But when I would
**[01:00:29]** give it up, I thought it was making a ride. I really thought I was making the sacrifice for
**[01:00:34]** my family. But that had up at all. I was making no sacrifice at all. I haven't made a sacrifice
**[01:00:43]** since I quit drinking. I'm not doing anything now that I shouldn't have done for the last
**[01:00:50]** 25 years or the last 15 years before I quit drinking. It got to be worked for me.
**[01:01:10]** When I would once start, I would have enough money. I, probably about a week to find the money,
**[01:01:19]** to find the whiskey, to have enough for the next day. If I didn't have, if I had to go to bed at
**[01:01:26]** night knowing that I didn't have a drink in case I woke up or enough to last me until the bars
**[01:01:33]** open in the morning, I couldn't sleep that night. Boy, when it becomes work to drink, it's pretty
**[01:01:42]** easy to see that there's, I mean it's bad anyway. Thanks. I'm glad to hear it.
**[01:02:08]** Thank you a lot, Mike. A couple of years ago, I asked to get a man to speak for our state reunion.
**[01:02:33]** I enquired around. If anybody had any suggestions, somebody told me, says,
**[01:02:45]** why don't you call Denver? So they've probably got a young, a lot of young people,
**[01:02:47]** and a whole guy in Denver. And he said, you bet you would get the man you want.
**[01:02:59]** Called on. So I called on, invited him out, and he came to speak to our state reunion.
**[01:03:06]** And he brought along the prettiest little girl with him. And since that time, I've really
**[01:03:21]** became really acquainted with him, close to him, and fell in love with both of them,
**[01:03:28]** both Don and his wife. I've heard Don speak before, but I never had heard her.
**[01:03:35]** So I'm going to let her take the lead tonight, and maybe she'll tell us a few things about Don and how,
**[01:03:45]** what he does, to keep himself sober. Maybe he's got some tricks that he hasn't told us,
**[01:03:51]** and she might tell on him. So Joyce, if you would, please.
**[01:03:55]** My name is Joyce Pritz, and I am an Eleanor. I don't know where to start.
**[01:04:21]** You know, I call myself an Eleanor because I feel that's what I am today.
**[01:04:29]** But I found this program throughout college anonymous, two and a half years ago,
**[01:04:39]** and wasn't here then why I, why I found myself in the midst of AA. But I know today
**[01:04:48]** that my higher power put me there. It was a direct result of the third step of this program,
**[01:04:56]** and at the time, I didn't know anything about 12 steps or too much about AA. My mother is a
**[01:05:03]** recovered alcoholic on the AA program, and she had just sobered up about two and a half years ago,
**[01:05:13]** and she was starting to send all kinds of little tidbits about AA home to me in Denver.
**[01:05:21]** And at this time, I had reached the end of a 10-year marriage.
**[01:05:27]** I was near suicidal. I was just about as screwed up as you could possibly guess.
**[01:05:34]** I had tried marriage counseling and psychiatrists and ministers, and nothing worked.
**[01:05:42]** And I found myself in rocking chair one day, rocking a set of very thick twins,
**[01:05:51]** and I knew that I was at the end of my road, and I knew I didn't have any where to go.
**[01:06:01]** The word powerless didn't come to my mind that this is exactly what I was. In fact,
**[01:06:07]** I said some kind of a prayer to my higher power then that I didn't know too much about,
**[01:06:11]** but I said, God, I screwed this marriage up so bad. I screwed my life up so bad,
**[01:06:18]** and I don't know which way to turn, but I got to do something, and I don't have the courage to do
**[01:06:23]** it. I'm a very, very insecure person, and I'm a leaner. I knew I was making my husband miserable,
**[01:06:31]** and that I was miserable, and the only place for me that was left was the mental hospital that
**[01:06:36]** was just at the street. So I told God that day, I can't do any more with my life,
**[01:06:45]** so I'm going to put it in your hands. It can't possibly get worse. My whole life I had spent
**[01:06:51]** preparing myself for bad. My whole life, and as a result of that prayer, it was a matter of weeks
**[01:07:01]** I found myself in the middle of an AA meeting, and I had gone there just out of curiosity because I
**[01:07:08]** had met Don, my present husband, and some other people that were on the program, and I was curious
**[01:07:13]** about the AA program. I lived with alcohol, isn't it? The greatest part of my life,
**[01:07:19]** and I knew my mother was changing and I wanted to find out why. I sat in the meeting that night
**[01:07:26]** and I'll never forget what happened to me. There was about 50 people in that room. We were all
**[01:07:33]** crowded into one small living room of a recovery home that Don was the house father of.
**[01:07:42]** And these people, that particular night, they didn't talk about alcohol, and they didn't talk
**[01:07:46]** about drugs. They talked about feelings. They talked about fears, resentments, and anxieties
**[01:07:53]** that caused them to drink and caused them to take pills and cause them to shoot drugs and their
**[01:08:00]** and I find myself identifying so strong and I didn't know what was happening to me,
**[01:08:05]** but every single one of them that said something talked about me. They talked about the fear I had
**[01:08:12]** on my life, the feeling of being alone, the feeling of trying to please everyone in sailing,
**[01:08:20]** the resentments that they built at, every one of them talked about me.
**[01:08:26]** And I suddenly had this feeling of being where I belong, being at home.
**[01:08:35]** Something else happened. I was aware of that night. There was no soul in that entire room that had
**[01:08:42]** a mask on and this came quite short because everywhere I'd gone on my life I'd seen masks.
**[01:08:50]** I'd never really been able to see inside of anyone or know how they were feeling
**[01:08:55]** and I'd always worn a mask because I was scared to death to let people know what was really going
**[01:08:59]** on inside of me and there wasn't a soul in the entire room that was wearing a mask.
**[01:09:07]** It was just a bunch of people sharing their experience, strength, and hope and I needed it so
**[01:09:13]** desperately and I knew I was home. I started attending those meetings faithfully
**[01:09:20]** because I was going through a divorce and there was a very strong possibility of losing my five
**[01:09:25]** children, losing my home and various other things and I needed those people desperately
**[01:09:35]** and Cincinnati was starting to creep in. Those 12 steps were teaching me how to prepare myself
**[01:09:43]** for the good. The people on the AA program told me constantly that my higher power was all good
**[01:09:56]** that he loved me and he wanted nothing but the best for me and this was hard to believe
**[01:10:03]** and it's taken two and a half years for even a little bit of it to sink in.
**[01:10:08]** But in these two and a half years there's been just nothing but beautiful things happening to me
**[01:10:12]** and dawn is one of them. I didn't want any part of dawn as a
**[01:10:21]** husband or anything that serious. I was so grateful to be free and feeling good and having some joy
**[01:10:28]** in my life that I was scared to death to get married again. I didn't want to ruin that
**[01:10:32]** what we had going. It was more like a very good friend and a sponsorship type relationship.
**[01:10:39]** But our AA friends in Denver had made up their minds. We were going to get married whether we
**[01:10:43]** thought so or not and I think they prayed us into it. All of a sudden I found myself on the way to
**[01:10:50]** New Mexico. I practically had been handcuffed and stepped in the car and was told I was going to
**[01:10:54]** get married that night. Literally you have to watch out with AA people. I was scared to death.
**[01:11:03]** Totally just terrified of what was going to happen.
**[01:11:07]** I was just learning how to live myself. I couldn't cope with my own five kids at the time and dawn
**[01:11:14]** had two that just fit right in with mine, same ages. And I had very very
**[01:11:23]** mixed emotions about his children. I knew they needed a mother and one whole part of me wanted
**[01:11:27]** to be a mother to them and the biggest part of me wanted no part of it whatsoever. In fact I
**[01:11:32]** resented him for even having two kids. I resented the kids because it was just another load on me
**[01:11:41]** and we set out to play house. The only way I was able to agree to marry gone was that we would get
**[01:11:56]** married for one day only. I was really into the programs one day at a time and I thought I could
**[01:12:04]** tolerate going to New Mexico. I could tolerate signing the papers and marrying him if that's all
**[01:12:10]** it had to be was for that one day. So I told him if you'll just marry me or if I marry you,
**[01:12:17]** let's just let it be one day and then we'll live together. Then you don't have to be a husband
**[01:12:22]** and I don't have to be a wife because I didn't know how to do that. And he agreed that was fine
**[01:12:27]** with him and that's the way it's been on the day. I don't act like a wife and he doesn't act like a
**[01:12:33]** husband. We have the most beautiful time. If I start acting like a wife and he starts acting like
**[01:12:39]** a husband, it's hell. It's just as bad as it was before. He didn't ask me to say something about gone
**[01:12:54]** and that's so easy for me to do because I feel like coming into the A program the way I did and
**[01:13:03]** being told later that I really ought to go to Al and on that that's where I belonged. It was
**[01:13:09]** very tough for me. I didn't want any part of Al and on. I didn't identify with a whole lot of
**[01:13:15]** the Al and on people. I identified with the Alcoholics and I spent months on the program
**[01:13:27]** beating myself to death over this identification thing. I didn't know what my title was and it
**[01:13:31]** drove me crazy and Don kept saying, quit worrying about your title and work the program.
**[01:13:38]** It finally sunk in and this is what I started doing and today I can very joyfully say that I
**[01:13:43]** enjoyed my meal and I'm part of the good. Most of the good that has come my way as a direct result
**[01:13:53]** of Don which he got it as the direct result of the Alcoholics that gave it to him. I didn't know
**[01:14:00]** the first thing about loving or the first thing about accepting love. I was married to an extremely
**[01:14:09]** possessive man and very gone mirroring and I myself was extremely possessive. I was terrified
**[01:14:17]** of losing what I had and being alone and all of a sudden I found myself being loved like this
**[01:14:26]** and I found out that that is stronger than any change. By being loved like this I was tied so
**[01:14:33]** strongly to him I couldn't say no and this is the way I've been loved for the last two and a half years
**[01:14:41]** and because of this I'm learning how to do this. I don't do nearly so well at it if Don does
**[01:14:50]** but I'm so much better than I was two and a half years ago. The hardest thing for me to do is to
**[01:15:00]** love my children with relief to let them go with love. I told you I had a terrible resentment
**[01:15:13]** of Don's two sons. The worst is with our oldest son, our 12 year old. This boy has got as many
**[01:15:24]** hangouts as I have had and if he throws up a wall just as strong and tall as I throw up
**[01:15:30]** and so our walls get in the way of each other 95% of the time. I've always been able to go to Don
**[01:15:40]** and say Don I can't take care of another minute. Sometimes I think hey him. I don't like being his
**[01:15:49]** mother and I know I heard Don but because of the program the alcoholics went on anonymous has
**[01:16:00]** given him. He's able to put his arm around me and say honey don't worry about it just let it go.
**[01:16:07]** It's going to get all right and it does and it has and it's getting better more and more and more
**[01:16:18]** that boy and I are able to smile at each other. Not very much but a little bit more of each day
**[01:16:26]** and as I said there has been nothing but beautiful things happening to us.
**[01:16:32]** We've done more living in the last two and a half years than I have crammed in the whole rest of my
**[01:16:37]** life and it's a direct result of this program. These 12 steps are teaching me how to have a conscious
**[01:16:47]** contact and how to expect nothing but the best because until I'm able to totally open up and let
**[01:16:56]** my power pour all his love in and all his goodness I can just keep on wallering around in myself
**[01:17:04]** pitying my fear and my agony but the more this program teaches me to open up and let it in the
**[01:17:10]** more it comes in and sometimes it comes in floods and that's hard to take. The people on the program
**[01:17:21]** of A and L and on tell me that it gets better and better and better and that's hard to believe
**[01:17:29]** because when it's as good as it is today it's unimaginable that it can get better but it is
**[01:17:36]** the very fact that we were able to come back down here after the beautiful trip we had a year and
**[01:17:41]** a half ago and the fact that the beautiful North Platte people flew us both in was just a rare
**[01:17:47]** tree and we were able to fly back in today with two of the most beautiful people I've met in a long
**[01:17:51]** time. I can't hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings and I think my prayer is that I don't do
**[01:18:02]** anything to screw it up to get away from this program because as long as I've got the program
**[01:18:08]** and as long as I've got people like you I know I've got it made. Thank you.
**[01:18:27]** Thank you so very much Joyce. It was great.